Weekly WaterShack
5/27/21 - Automatic Three Putt For the People
R.E.M. - Righteous Equitable Mulligans
Losing My Religion : Can we please stop now before it goes any further. This Premier Golf League, I know almost nothing about and I am guessing for good reason, keeps popping up in the media. But Why Tho? So, most of the biggest names on the PGA tour have already come out and said they have no interest (bad start), yet we keep hearing about this? Are Tommy Maddox and He Hate Me available? Maybe they can compensate for lack of stars or good players by having random acts of violence on the course? Let the gators that litter the course at TPC Louisiana actually eat the players perhaps? Come on I am all about competition not having monopolies, but when it comes to pro sports leagues lets just improve the ones we already have and not add another “oh do you remember ______ league” to the list. XFL, USFL, WHA, NFL Europe, Roller Hockey International, XFL again (maybe a hattrick if you smell what I am cooking) and several others are more then enough to make up a league that failed clickbait I just don’t see the need for anymore. I guess though it will give us at 5 and Fore a chance to be pros, right? Cause they will have to accept handicaps of 10 or more eventually to fill out the roster. So get ready you may get to see us chunk some shots after the Dodgeball tourney replay on The Ocho sometime after 3AM.
Man On the Moon: Wow old man Phil! The man many believe Tin Cup was based off not only held on to become the oldest major champion, but he also took down Stone Cold Koepka. The human quote machine faltered among the phlames of Phil’s Phire…. Ok that’s enough. I am sure the bad knee, tough course, and the fact that golf is an impossible game, and nobody can be the ice man every time was more to blame - hey we all have a little goose in us. That said Phils performance will go down as one of the all-time greats not only because of the age or the opponent or the brutal course but because he did it in the most Phil fashion. Bogey to start, hole outs, water hazards, bombs and so on. Phil is Phil because no matter how many tournaments he has Tin-Cupped he won’t stop being Phil. He takes you on a ride and if you were rooting for him there is nothing more stressful. Will he go driver off the deck to make eagle when all he needs is par? Will he hit any fairways? Will he get a 9 on this hole or hole out from the sand for 2? Even his mom was trying to warn him to just leave the bombs and calves behind and play for par. The only thing you can predict about Phil is that you can’t predict anything and once again he shocked us on an amazing ride. The master of madness on the course and dad jokes off of it is never dull and we will all be glued to the TV next time he tees it up and forever because you just never know what will happen next.
I heard you needed your wife pleasured?…
The One I Love: What is this “Goat Rodeo” you ask sandwiched in between the PGA and the US Open? The Major to end all Majors. Before there was a 5 and Fore or a Watershack here was only The GOAT. 11 years ago, a legend of his own making and in his own mind Mr. Vhelm himself began crafting a championship like no other. A championship that requires skill (not really), desire (maybe), hard work (drinking and riding better players coattails), athletic prowess (95% of participants are overweight and Ruggles falls 6 times per round), mental fortitude, ok that’s enough I mean its just an outing with bunch of friends that has become a yearly tradition and thanks Mr. Vhelm’s tireless efforts an unbelievably unique and fun event that we all look forward starting 5 seconds after we leave the current one. 16 Clowns and that is a generous term descend upon some beautiful Northern Michigan Golf location to do battle, not like Game of Throne-esque battles, more like two fat guys in a swimming pool slapping each other with those foam noodles, but a battle none the less. And battle we do, with each other, our mediocre-at-best games, our souls (a by product of battling our mediocre games), keeping Ruggles upright, Graham happy, Slessor from drowning himself in any body of water, Shahein fully clothed, Brad quiet, Stansell’s conspiracies and the main battle all of us keeping Grant from winning. The Tamaracks, Yarrow, A-Ga-Ming, Treetops, Garland, Tullymore, Shanty Creek, Arcadia Bluffs, Boyne, Bay Harbor and now The Loon have all hosted this war of well Daisies. So, get ready the GOAT is coming and you can’t turn away now that you know it’s there and the Watershack will keep you posted from the first shot to the last shank. Pick your GOAT competitor, who’s walking home with gold and Glory that surpasses even idk a good prize at the bottom of a cereal box. GO to Goat Rodeo website to find your “champion”. I like the Dark Lord Garrity to repeat. www.thegoatrodeoopen.com
Honorary First Tee Starter Mr. Mike Stipe
Everybody Hurts: As you continue this article, which is writen for only some (as you are all so knowledgeable of the GOAT Rodeo) I will do a rare shout out to the architect Mr. VHelm. He’s a bit pretentious and spoiled and looks like a Dollar General Rafael Nadal (sorry must have some balance), but despite that he has built a hell of an event for us and something we all look forward too and honestly outside of my family my favorite thing (I have a hot wife who’s awesome and actually pretty cool kids somehow). So, all of us Rodeo clowns appreciate it VHelm and look forward to what you come up with in the future. Thanks, and yeah, we are still all teaming up to keep you from winning!
A fancy boy winning fancy things