7/25/21 - Hanz v. Franz: A Pillowfight to the Death

So, the battle continues between B and B and it isn’t disappointing - or is it. This is like a battle of two bad guy wrestlers - arrogant, whiny, and just stupid and whoa hot take here: Brooks is just as much of a clown as Einstein’s half-ass helper. The only difference is Brooksy is better at being bad and has pulled the veil over our eyes more. So, this war (more like pillow fight) started a year or so ago because Brooks called out BCham for pretending he was a scientist to excuse his extremely slow play (sorry put a little of my own thought in there). I think most would agree with that take and say yeah let’s pick up the pace. In fact, a few other pros chimed in and agreed that the pace of play was bad, and we all knew they were directing this at Bryson specifically (which my god did he slow the already boring Match #4 down. I have more thoughts on that concept for another time). I mean this is Brooks right: he shoots straight he says it like it is, and we all agreed with it. So, this is the jump off to the feud and right now and for so many reasons Brooks is up 6 rounds to 0. I mean from slow play to fire ants to calling a rule official every time he hits it in the rough Bryson is not the most likeable guy bro (how many times did he say that during the Match ugh). Then apparently they have some off the record showdown where Bcham talks to the caddie and Brooks gives the “why don’t you say it to my face” commentary (don’t need the full recap of this story,it reads easier the Clifford the big red dog) and *BOOM* Brooks is winning again that handsome devil he is with his southern bell sweetie and his big major championship balls and his fuck I don’t even like it I just do it attitude…my god that thing must be 19 inches long.

His PUTTER you degenerate fucking pervert!

Then the little calm before the storm. IT all went quiet, the bros seemed to be a little more bro like and then boom the shots ring out again, and Brooks is waving that monster over his head like William Wallace’s sword again charging down the enemy to liberate us all as the every man-god so many have anointed him. What led to the reignite? Brooks teased an unforgivable sin that reignited the flames that will last for all of time now. This is more then just Batman vs. Joker, Superman vs. Lex Luthor even more epic than Trent Toor vs a Straight Drive. This is biblical (so entirely more fictional than previous examples), this is for all eternity. So, what did Bryson do? I mean we don’t like him; he is the knob of all knobs so we just assume it’s something so horrible that he will even hit a shot near some ants. Then Brooks wielded his mighty mouth pen like the Renaissance Festival foam sword that it is and told us all the moment that changed all of history. It was when the newly bulked Ultimate Warrior looking Bryson said that Brooks does not have abs…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….! Sorry needed all those periods to gather my thoughts after that epic shot. You know who else does not have abs BK IDK 95% of the population! Outside of people who play Marvel characters and Zac Efron who has or needs them. Wait you know who does Brooks? you know who has abs?! this fucking guy:

So maybe BK its not so bad to be ab less. I mean you need a Brinks truck for your money and have a 4 pack of Majors, tons of people who think you are Golf’s equivalent of John McClain, a model girlfriend and yeah just a whole lot of other things so missing a couple of tummy muscles not so bad and someone saying that about not so bad either. How after that does he have any credibility as Mr. Bad ass golf? He comes off as bad ass as…well a golfer. He was talking crap about me man I won’t ever forgive that. Look BCham is still not right in this he is still a very entitled out of touch whiny non-scientist and of course just when it looks like he will snag some of the crown he pops off and blames his driver for his ineptitude and reminds us why he is a tool and not a scientist (see Justin Thomas Comment). That said Brooks showed us that he may not be much better. Sorry, he comes off as the popular kid in high school who got all the girls and was good at everything but couldn’t take one person criticizing him and not telling him he was super-duper awesome (see photo below). This is not even a pillow fight at this point its two 4-year old’s calling each other poopy face, and all though at times its funny cause, as said above, Brooks is funny or better at being bad its just two big brats fighting about well nothing. Let’s be honest now that even Azinger and Faldo are commenting on it during broadcast and chuckling we know it has jumped the shark. Time to move on boys.

The Fonz dont take no gimmies…but he will snag your girl

Weekly WaterShack

5&4